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From John Bailey,

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Soapbox brings you Forbidden Internet Today by WPCNR's "Buzz" Babe Around Tin Pan Alley, Times Square USA, Blackie Slacks


Greetings Mr. and Mrs. White Plains and all the trendsetters in the southend, this is Blackie Slacks, reporting from the cutting edge of the entertainment industry. Yours truly, the dark brunette insideress, with a way of wriggling my way into finding out what's ahead in the entertainment business. I've been trafficking with the trendsetters in the arts, out in "The Hamps," up in "The Berks," and down in "The Bams." Seems they need something new to juice up the Met season next year, instead of depending on Disney to do it.

Yours truly has received an opera "treatment" as they say "in the biz" for a new production taking advantage of one of New York's newest residents. I don't know why I receive these things but let's just say we have our sources in the hushed carpeted crags of key New Yawk publishers. Anyway, I am pleased to share this "hoot" of a script.

"La Bubba Vita" Composed by Giuliani Veritas (in Italian).

Act I. The Situation: Bill has been elected President of the United States by an overwhelming margin. The Republicans are devastated, angry and are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the opera, the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Barr with the object of trying to find a way to remove Bill from the Presidency. The opening chorale "We Must Find a Way" (Creato grandissimo floozy scandala) is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom Delayo sings "Where Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimba). The House Republicans exit.

Paula Bones enters stage right with a mirror, singing her plaintive "Why Can't I find a Man?" (Mia schnozola es humongo.) Tom Delayo and Newt Gangrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La flooza perfecta). They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Bill years earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. Delayo and Gangrich offer to help. They sing the aria, "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo e'rewardo).

Act II. The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's revelations.
They sing in jubilation "We must Tell the world" (Fono tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale, Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi). Gangrich enters with Pat Robertsonna. They sing the duet "He Must Go" (Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertsonna offers to make time on his television program to expose the charges. At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit.The Paula Bones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the country. The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant grand chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola).

Ken Barr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing the aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo, la media soccittuppo). Barr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the Congress. He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, il probo la flooza epidemio).The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must Do Our Duty" as the act ends.

Act III.
Linda Ripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Barr. She is wearing a headset. She is singing "Money is My Dearest Friend" (Io sono la wiccida witchi occidenta). She tells Barr about the secret tapes that she has made of conversations with Money Lewidski. Barr takes them from her and sings "We've Got Him Now" (Presidente droppo pantaloni). Barr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Money as a witness.

In Scene 2, Money enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers asks her questions. They sing the recitative "How Did It Happen?" (Panti hongo, la flashi). Money sings the long passionate aria "We Were Meant for Each Other" (Nonsmoko El Pruducto, Phalli symboglio).

In the third scene, Hill and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom talking about the revelations about Money Lewidski. Hillary sings "I Will Stand By You" (Tu jercho estupido, io removo tu equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the Only One" (Non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimba forgetta). They embrace.

Act IV.
Sam Donbaldson is interviewing Henry Hide in the Capitol Building. The chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hide sings the aria "We Believe in Something" (Impeaccho hippi bastardo). Donbaldson sings a recitative in answer, "We Only Want the Truth" (Toupee eslippo).

The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Glutt reacts to public opinion polls showing that the President has a 76% approval rating with the public with the poignant aria, "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia Repubblico Commitini Suicido). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale "Principles Come First" (Mi adultero non conto). With great flourish, Henry Hide and Tom Delayo stand before the Senate to present their case. They sing the somber trio "How Can you Not Convict?" (Evidenso multi flimsioso).

Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit" (Senatorios non stupido.) After the vote is announced, Henry Hide, Tom Delayo, Trent Glutt leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still Know the Truth" (Wasto multi millioni) as the act ends.


The President sings the contrite aria "I am Very Sorry" (Revengo futuro furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their questions. They sing "Who will now Believe us?" (Publicca desgustanta es in media). Monica Lewdski crosses the stage with her new literary agent, Ken Barr. They sing "It is Still Not Over" (Publishi grande bucchi, dollare millioni), asthe curtain falls.

The preceding was obtained from its anonymous author with permission to transmit.


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