WPCNR'S THE REAL DEAL By The Wedding Jeannie, Jeannie Uyanik of C&G Weddings, WPCNR Columnista May 3, 2008: Destination events used to conjure up images of having to take a plane all the way out east – from Pennsylvania.  Its quite common now a days to have the majority of guests at an event flying in from all over the world, traveling for 16 hours one way just to join a couple for their big day.  It’s for this reason precisely, that rehearsal dinner rules and etiquette have changed so drastically (next weeks topic in depth); they don’t require the old yard stick of inviting anyone coming in from out of town as that would generally precipitate having two weddings.

Jeannie Uyanik, Planner to the World

The Wedding Jeannie

So for the purpose of this column’s discussion, a Destination Wedding is not one where most of the guests have to travel to attend your wedding, which is being hosted either in the couples’ home town, or the home town of one of the immediate families.  It is one where all the guests, including the bride and groom will have to travel to get to it; this does not mean that it has to be out of the country, a certain size or a certain distance away.  It simply means that neither you nor anyone attending the wedding actually lives where it’s taking place.  And then the fun begins.

Clearly, there are a few good reasons to do destination weddings, and as couples embark on a discussion of if they should or should not, consider the following:

1)      Is your aim to limit the budget or the guest list?

We find that most couples who begin to plan destination weddings do so because they are either trying to save money and figure that a far away wedding, will not only limit the budget, but also inevitably the guest list.  Neither is necessarily true.  Many of our clients are shocked when they realize how much more a destination wedding can cost.  And since most would have in theory preferred a big city locale, they are often pleasantly surprised to find that their dollars will go a lot farther at home.  Why?  Simply because there are so many additional costs that you have to cover when getting married farther away. 

i)                    You will usually have to foot the bill for at LEAST one trip to the destination of choice before the wedding.  Our experience shows that it will probably be two or three to make sure that everything is in place and in order.  This will require hotels, flights, transportation and food.  This adds up pretty quickly, particularly if you have chosen a destination that is also popular for the rest of the world.

ii)                   Hotel accommodations for guests when you are planning a destination wedding become a lot more important for the bride and groom to arrange for obvious reasons.  Many couples will choose to subsidize the room rate for the hotels, or they will feel obligated to if they have chosen a destination and time of year that is particularly costly.  This is something that many couples struggle with, but we find that since the hotel rates are usually the biggest reason that guests are not able to come, the majority of couples tend to subsidize rates. 

iii)                 Events as a whole for the time that guests are with you for your wedding become more important.  If you are doing a wedding in a city with which everyone is fairly familiar or lives, its less important to ensure that a) all guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner, or that there is a farewell brunch b) all guests feel that they are able to see the location, or be given a tour of some sort to get to know it and c) feel that they are participating in more of a “wedding weekend” rather than a 1 day event – especially if costly or lengthy travel is involved.

iv)                 Welcome baskets are a must.  When you invite every single guest to travel for your wedding, the least that you can do is give them a small token of your appreciation upon arrival – clearly, this is a lovely gesture for any wedding, but it’s an absolute necessity for a destination wedding.  Not doing so would be an egregious breach of etiquette and not spending the time or even money to make it something special or meaningful would be even worse!

v)                  Don’t ever expect that your guest attendance list will be lighter just because the wedding is farther.  The attrition rates for destination weddings tends to be in line with those close to home mainly because travel for weddings is so common place now a days and also because people use destination weddings as an excuse to get away or go see a location to which they have not been before.  The higher than expected rate of return always shocks destination wedding couples; both emotion and purse alike.  Many expect that the decrease in guest count will reduce the costs, but when the guests send the excited responses, the dollars go up!

2)      Do you have a specific location in mind, or are you willing to get married anywhere?

Many couples (given the above) will simply pick a destination randomly.  This is tough because it’s hard to fall in love with a place on demand and through intensive research on-line.  We always recommend that if a destination wedding is a must, choose a location that is genuinely meaningful to you and your fiance.  This will have a great impact on how guests feel about traveling there, about how you feel going there to prepare in advance of the wedding and of course, how the entire event takes shape.  It’s important to pick a destination wisely though especially since many couples assume that island weddings or international weddings will definitely be cheaper. 

That is certainly not the case.  With a currently weak dollar, the hope to stretch the budget is often just that. Often, even when services and goods are cheaper, so many things are more nebulous than when dealing in your own home town; in turn you have to take more expensive routes to ensure that details are being executed flawlessly. 

For instance, while you might not get married at the Four Seasons in New York City, given that it’s cheaper on a small island, you would and should consider a 5-star resort facility in order to guarantee quality.  What that translates to is that you will not necessarily have paid 5-star prices in the destination location, but it does not mean that you have saved money relative to doing it at home.   Often couples will pick a destination because of a specific resort or hotel (i.e. the Four Seasons in Costa Rica or the Ritz Carlton in Cancun).  Having your wedding or event at a hotel when doing destination planning is useful for everyone.  It removes the need and cost for transportation and eliminates an extra layer of complications. 

3)      Does the time of year that you would love to have your nuptials match that of the destination locations’ best or worst weather?

Many locations for destination weddings are of course warmer weather islands that couples flock to in the winter.  Of course, this can be a travel nightmare for guests, given that if you want to be in warm weather, the likelihood is high that everyone else does too.  What we see in response to that, is couples’ trying to go at off season times; in theory great, but off season is named that for a reason. 

Often this can be hard because hotels and restaurants shut down in the off months, either to refurbish or because traffic is low and hurricanes and or bad weather are typical during the off-seasons which would be risky for an event where airplane travel plays such a huge role.   High season is not only busy, but also expensive, so when determining location think about weather, and the likelihood that you might be competing with other guests not coming to celebrate your wedding. 

4)      Are you upsetting more people than you really want to by wanting to fly away?

Destination weddings can be contentious issues at family dinners when the families are not clear on why the couple is planning to “run away” to get married.  It’s important to explain to families the rationale behind the decision and to really attempt to include them as much as possible.  We have found that many families are only upset because they feel that they won’t be able to contribute as much, or that they will not have the same roles as they would if the couple were getting married closer to home (theirs or yours).  Preempting a lot of the concerns, responding PRO-actively rather than reactively to questions about details, hotels, flights, and dates will help pave the way for stress free planning that also gets everyone excited rather than anxious.

Destination weddings are a wonderful way to create an intimate wedding reception, provide a unique adventure for you and your guests and ensure that your wedding stands out from all the others.  We are huge fans of destination events, but it’s important to really understand all the issues with them before pulling the proverbial trigger.